Last year in the summer of 2017 I reached a climax to what I could only understand at the time as an extreme level of anxiety and lack of self-confidence. It caused all sorts of drama to happen which did not benefit me at all but it did after a few months give me the tools to pick myself up and move on.
Before the last couple of months I had always struggled to grasp what I wanted to do in life in terms of my career, relationship and goals. I could never make an accurate life choice that fit me right. I tried university twice and dropped out after the first term both times studying two completely different subjects that interested me. Unfortunately an interest doesn't mean that you will enjoy that pathway for the next 30-40 years. In between those years I was wasting time in a part time job skating by life. I am now in Banking working full time. I very much enjoy the industry and my role despite some pet peeves but I was content. The longer I worked for the bank I found myself being caught up in drama and it started to feel it was becoming more hassle than it was worth. I moved branch where I was better placed and I felt if I pursued a career here I would do just fine and be successful. My mind had other plans.
Was a life in Banking what I wanted? Was it the career which made me wake up excited in the morning and would it do that for me for the next 30-40 years? Probably not? I still cant answer that and that's why I made a controversial life decision that shocked friends and family.
I'm going to New Zealand!! June 2018 I jet off down under to experience life elsewhere and hopefully find that excitement as its somewhere in this world!
Now I have worked for the bank less than a year, had good prospects and you are probably thinking "You are going travelling just because you didn't see yourself in that career? Didn't give it much chance did you." Okay yeah I wasn't there long but more the reason to make this decision now right? I boiled down why some of my decisions came to disaster:
- I always looked for approval and cared what people thought of what I have achieved.
- I cared more towards the success rather than the job to give myself a good income.
- I always thought I was better than what I was attempting.
I always seemed to make sure my family were happy with what I had chosen to undertake and if I got the thumbs up, I was happy. WRONG! That happiness stemmed from them being happy not me. Its good to know they are happy but when you are working 35-40 hours a week in a job you dislike just because you want to keep people happy, somethings wrong. This could also lead to some negative mental health such as depression. No one needs that.
Why oh why did I have to day dream about how successful I could be and use that to drive myself to get a job which I necessarily may or may not enjoyed. It was a complete gamble on that basis. Don't be that naive people! It's not easy to be successful enough to have your own yacht in the middle of the Bahamas! Be careful with those dreams and ambitions, it will take time get there if you are driven enough and ENJOY the job. Don't use the potential success and money as a reason to make a decision.
Over Confidence is a killer and thinking you are better than the job will stunt your development in that role because you will just put things aside and delay actions which will benefit your career. We all have that guy/girl we hate at work who thinks he's Mr./Mrs.Perfect but actually does nothing round the place. Don't be that person! You wont achieve and move up like you think you will. Go to work, respect the job and the people around you and you will be rewarded.
I was stupid enough to suffer from all three of the above and now I know that I have a greater understanding of what kind of person I am and what I must do to be happy. I'm actually going to do what I want and just enjoy myself. Being in a state of euphoria will bring what you desire most. Travelling to New Zealand will bring me something I have never experienced before. Freedom. The freedom to go out there and enjoy myself and allow myself to realise my potential, ambitions and hopefully what I would like to do. I no longer care about the money, if you think like that, you won't ever be happy as I know making many failed decisions over the points I made above.
I'm also doing this by myself because its the only way I believe that you can actually reach the point of realisation you need to be your own success. One day I will be able to say "I did this all by myself". That thought makes me happy and makes me look forward to New Zealand and the opportunities within. Time to start that life I crave. Freedom=Enjoyment=A Happy Life.
Good luck to you all with all your endeavours in terms of your careers and travels. I hope you enjoyed the post. Any comments or questions are welcomed!