Going Back to a Different Reality
I would firstly like to apologise for my months of absence from this scene. It’s been an interesting last few months for me. I have learned so much about what I must do when I get back home. Living on the edge financially and being responsible for a lot more commitments is a tough task especially on the other side of the world. It hasn’t compared to the realisations I have had to make and have made since being away from home.
You learn firstly about yourself as I have explained personally in previous posts. You learn what really drives you and what didn’t motivate you before. I was so naive. This doesn’t compare to the difference in social scene that’s now occurred. You learn who’s close and how they truly feel towards you, it sure tests relationships. You learn how quickly you can be dropped when something more convenient comes around and how suddenly you are left pondering on what happened? It was never your fault.
I’m not perfect. I struggle to get myself in check emotionally sometimes granted but if someone doesn’t have the patience then its not worth my time. I am forever tired of people instead of letting me express myself in my own way, tell me to man up and grow up. I am mature I like to think, I know that these people simply are not worth it. You find these people have their own problems, are immature themselves, struggle with their own relationships. That’s why I don’t argue with them. I don’t want to become them and drop to that level, I pity them whilst they judge me and think that they have won. You have won if you are happy to just leave that scenario knowing full well that its better that its not to do with your life.
I also find that 90% of these conflicts occur over technology and social media where expression and quick explanation is subdued..how can a meaningful and deep conversation possibly go well under those circumstances? Be an adult and confront the individual in question in person to sort it out if its worth saving. I am sick and tired of immature behaviour where everyone is still insulting and gossiping behind everyone else’s backs. Its ironic. The people that do that are the ones who more often than not tell you to grow up! Laughable.
The reality is that I have made the decision to not associate myself with a lot of people I once spent time with before I left and can safely say I can count all my close friends on one hand now. I have never felt so free and happy with that thought. I can’t wait to see those friends. I can’t wait to continue my life my way. I cant wait to move on from all the adversity that occurred in the past.
I come home in around 10 days and I’m looking forward for once..the uncertainty of it all. Uncertainty isn’t scary now because I have thrown away all the trash that could of made it difficult. Just get me home!
Don’t get me wrong, the people I will no longer be associating with are still great acquaintances and will always be civil and friendly to them, whether they do the same, its their call. It won’t bother me.
I come home to a new start, a new reality in which I am striving for self-love and success. Those who want to share my journey and stick by me like true friends, I welcome it. I will always repay that by doing the same for them as I know its real.